Month: April 2013

When Lori left, she took something warm. Bilko suddenly felt a little cold and solitary, unsure what to do. He lit a cigarette and scanned the area.

It was busy, herds of people, couples kissing, families carefully shepherded along by mom or dad, and a few men standing around smoking.

He checked the air for his name, he looked around for the flash of a knowing glance.

Nothing out of the ordinary. But Bilko felt removed from his familiar surroundings. He wandered on to finish his rounds, distracted.

He hadn’t done anything and wouldn’t do anything.

Why was he irritable? For several days, he walked the carnival with her number in his pocket. He didn’t call.

Then, about a week before Jubilee! was to leave San Diego, he found a message waiting for him at the maintenance trailer.

That night, he sent a runner to tell Hormat he had to go into town.

He went to see Lori.

Lori smiled brightly, jumping up and down in front of him, “Yes, it is!” She yelled, embracing him in a full hug that actually lifted her off the ground as Bilko stood up straight and took a step back.

He was surprised, he didn’t recognize her at first. He dropped his cigarette into the sawdust and scrubbed it out with his foot, then took another look at this girl that suddenly came out of the warm night.

She was wearing a polka dotted pleat skirt and bikini top; she was smiling and her hands were clasped together in front of her. On her head was dixie cup sailor hat with the brim pulled firmly over her short hair covering her ears.

When Bilko hesitated, she pulled the dixie cup hat off of her head and, nodding, smiled even more brightly.

“I found you!” She said, “Why didn’t you answer my letters?” She took his hand and gave it a tug.

Bilko was confused for a moment, “letters?” He said. There had been only one that he knew of.

“Yeah!” She replied with a cute up-tick on the trail of the word, “You didn’t get them?” She asked, her mouth open, peering up at him as though peeking under a mask he might be wearing. “Its me, Lori, from the hospital. Remember?”

“Yes,” Bilko said with a laugh, “I remember. Just surprised.” He looked at her appreciatively, then glanced around the busy carnival to see what eyes were upon him. A townie and a carnie talking like that, the carnies would notice.

“I have  been trying to find you for the longest time,” she said, “why did you run off like that?”

A magician, she conjured memories, textures, thoughts from the black box where he had kept them, only occasionally kissed by their presence. Lori now held both of his hands in hers.

Bilko’s eyes flickered to the ground and her sandals, “Well, you know, Brion…” His words were slow and awkwardly spaced. Thoughts about Brion, guilt, her soft thighs and how light her skin was; it was like warm cream.

She laughed, “Yes, I know. I shouldn’t have said that. I am just glad to find you again, You know? Hey! Can we get together? Later.” She pointed into the crowd, “I am here with some girlfriends, but later? What do you say?” She nodded, urging him to say yes.

Confusion. “Uh, I have to work,” Bilko said. He was having trouble thinking clearly.

“I know, I know. You are working. But I want to hear about it all!” she sounded excited, “the carnival and everything. It’s soooo cool!”

It didn’t really matter, right? Just words. He didn’t have to do anything.

“Let’s do it, but how do I find you?” Bilko said, upbeat and interested, but vaguely aware that he might be losing his footing in the tide of a great ocean.

But he could do nothing. Hormat, the baby. It was impossible. His feet slipping from the ocean floor.

“OK, OK,” Lori continued, “Here,” she handed him something, “Here is my card. I am a practical nurse,” she said with a proud twinkle, “Give me a call. Here’s my home number, anytime.”

But Lori was a friend, they had shared Brion, they had shared more. It might have been much more if it had not been for his death. There is nothing wrong with talking to friends, especially an old friend. They didn’t have to do anything.

“Right!” He said.

Bilko flowed out of his body and around Lori touching her every part.

“Call me, Billy, I have missed you,” Lori said and kissed him on the cheek. Slowly releasing his hands, she walked into the crowd.  A moment later, he saw her again, waving to him and then she was gone.

They were in San Diego; the night was warm. The air was thick with the sounds of people talking, barkers, bally-hoo and insects flapping both clumsily and testily against bare incandescents. The sound was voiceless, it was a spirit.

As Bilko walked passed the Big Wheel, ferris wheel, it appeared to rise up against the night sky in the full spot of the Klieg lamp focussed on it.

He was doing his rounds, wearing what he called his uniform: a gray baseball cap, gray shirt and gray slacks. It identified him to other carnival personnel as maintenance, it made him invisible to the townies.

When he came to the tea cup ride, he paused for a moment to take a big drag from his Pall Mall. There was a tug on his shoulder and he turned to see a young woman scrutinizing him through her glasses.

“Is that you, Billy?” She asked.

Through the rainy season, the carnies mostly kept to themselves. In spite of the fact that Jubilee! was popular with both the locals and tourists, the carnies were not allowed in many establishments. Bars even posted, “no carnies allowed!”, on their doors.

But the movies were no problem and, though they were welcome at most restaurants, they preferred their own cooking and seldom went.

Orguz and Sara got along well together. Orguz liked Sara, calling her his “little bug” and adopted a big brotherly manner around her. Sara could walk now and enjoyed dressing up and playing ball games with Orguz.

This off-road time was a relaxed even lazy time for many. It was a time for family and a time to catch up on things put away for the road.

Vafa liked to write about his adventures in a series of little journals he never showed anyone.

Bilko made extra money working on cars, buying some in town, fixing them up and selling them again, putting whatever he made toward his and Hormat’s future plans

Leila loved to sew, and she was also good at crochet and knitting. Aata cooked. She made bakery for the Cantina and friends.

On the weekends, the pair would open a small concession in front of the Jubilee! main office, Aata selling her cookies and buns, while Leila sold clothes.

It was an easy time, but by the time ghost night came around again, everyone was ready again for the road, and excitement filled the air.

For the Russian River folk, ghost night was just as interesting as it had been for the easterners. Townies lined both sides of the highway to see the lights and watch the empty rides turn through the night while the music poured eerily down the river.

When the first tour date came around, the long long caravan of carnie vehicles drove eagerly and even triumphantly out the same east gate they had not so long ago limped home through in exhaustion.

That Autumn, tired carnies poured in through the east gate to the back lot near the river. Dust covered trucks and trailers, sunburnt and road dirty arms hung out truck windows with cigarettes dangling from their fingertips, men shouted and the big equipment creaked fearfully.

It took almost all day for the big trucks to sway clumsily through the gates down the dusty dry mud road and finally park, it was well after dark before the gates were finally closed and locked.

Remarkably, there were only a few disagreements about parking places and just one fist fight. For the most part, everyone was so tired they hurried to settle, relax, sleep and in some cases drink.

The following day, the hearty were out spraying down their trailers and making the patch of mud and weed that was theirs a little livable. There were some makeshift barbecues, clothes lines were strung between trailers, boxes nailed together for small staircases. Most slept.

That night, the food concessions put what food and drink was remaining from the road together and there was a big party amid strings of stinging lights sectioning off different areas of the backlot.

Sometime during the lazy week that followed, Vafa, Bilko’s father, came by with some letters that had arrived while they were on tour.

There was a bill from a dentist for $41, a root canal Bilko had forgotten about, and one from Lori McMahon. She had heard about the carnival, wondered how he was doing, did he still remember her?

Bilko did.

He was also a little surprised and flattered that she would bother to contact him. He showed the letter to Hormat and explained that this was the Lori that he had told her about, Brion Gysin’s nurse.

Hormat didn’t look at the letter, she just told him not to answer it.

And Bilko didn’t.

Sara was born while Jubilee! was in its first season on the west coast. When the carnival returned to Russian River late that Autumn, construction of a smaller version year-round carnival to be located at the river had just begun.

There were tractors, shovels, holes and contractors on both sides of the highway in front of the main office, that in spite of the bill boards and signs, still looked very much like the abandoned motel it was.

By the time Jubilee! hit the road for its second tour, Leila had made a colorful sling back carrier for Hormat out of pieces of some of Hormat’s scarves and old costumes.

Hormat now dressed as a poor gypsy girl in loose cotton and linen dresses that now covered her from shoulder to ankle carrying Sara around the carnival on her back. She was a very effective advertisement for the fortune teller.

As Sara took her first steps, Leila was there with tiny costumes that matched her mother’s.

When Jubilee! ended it tour the following autumn, construction had nearly completed and the place looked very much like a new amusement park with visitors already arriving.

The Jubilee! Cantina had opened offering a selection of food from around the world, including soups and snacks like hummus, pita and french fries.

The gift shop was open, selling giant sweet lollipops imprinted with a colorful outline of a big ferris wheel and tents, picture post cards featuring Jubilee!, trinkets and toys of every sort.

There was a museum with a history of the Jubilee! in pictures and a timeline, including posters from many of its famous attractions.

The 10-in-one show was just opening with sword swallowing and body piercing, a bearded lady and a cow with a human face.

For 18-year olds and above, there would soon be a poser in which almost-nudes would pose as famous works of art.

For the kids, there was already a small ferris wheel, a merry-go-round, a weight and age joint, dart and pellet gun games, ball throws and pony and donkey rides.

Jugglers, gymnasts and walking concessioners touring the grounds dressed in peasant costumes of the 19th and 20th centuries were planned for the following summer.

At the river’s edge, they were building a small pier where there would be boats for rent and a guided white water rafting experience available by appointment.

And among the concessions In the parking lots and in front of the main compound were those selling hot dogs, ice cream and cotton candy. And there was also a frozen banana stand that offered bananas covered in chocolate or carob, nuts and non-pareil.